Journal Entry: February 16, 2022
The other day was Valentine’s Day, the day to celebrate love and yet I didn’t feel it. In fact I’m having this love/hate relationship with the concept of love. On one hand I get the feeling of unconditional love for my kids, but geez that’s so hard to feel all the time. And other things we’re “supposed” to love, well, I hate the idea that there’s no wiggle room for maybe not being all that loving about someone or something. Sometimes life is just hard to love.
For instance, lately I’m just not feeling the way I want love to feel. I’m not particularly loving my work. I have absolutely no desire to sit at my computer and write or talk to anyone. I don’t love the way I look. Just one look in the mirror depresses me. The kids are driving me batty.
They say that love is the highest emotional vibration and just being in the presence of people you love or doing something you love will raise your vibe. All I know right now is I gotta do something to get me out of this funk.
Here’s an idea. How about while Isabelle is taking a nap I light some candles in the bathroom. Candle light always put me in a good mood. Then I go take a soak in a lavender scented epsom salt bath and meditate to some 528 hz music I found on Youtube. They say that’s the frequency that opens up your heart chakra and rids your heart of negative emotions. My heart must be full of them right now. I can almost feel the blockage and resistance in my chest. And yet, there’s a part of me that knows love is all around me. It’s there for me to feel. I hate when I get like this. And on Valentine’s Day of all days. My family deserved more from me. They deserved to feel the love I have for them. They also deserved to know how much I appreciate their love for me. Because I do. I love them with all my heart. I’m just struggling right now to feel it. Deep down I know they are everything to me. Ohhhhh…please God, help me to fall in love with my life again and be the loving mom I know I am.
PS: I have to acknowledge how thankful I am for the lovely card Kyle gave me. I truly am blessed to be married to him.